


I don't want to love you

by Eternally_Lost_in_Sorrow



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fili is awesome, First fic on this site, Kili is an idiot, M/M, Prompt Fic, Yikes, adorableness, have mercy, rating for potty mouths, the boys are not related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10411137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eternally_Lost_in_Sorrow/pseuds/Eternally_Lost_in_Sorrow
Summary: Kili comes to a realization, then promptly panics. Fili is confused... then amused.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Fili/Kili and my first archive posting. All kinds of nervous. I saw this prompt on a writing blog and literally could not write it any other way but FiKi . Um.. I hope you like it.

It seemed like it should have been a good day. Kili had no reason to be upset or depressed on this particular day. Other than the fact that his boyfriend was moving out of state. Kili had had plenty of time to adjust to this idea, but it still had not settled well with him. So there he was laying on his bed listening to the Cranberries and debating the actual benefits of ever leaving his room again.

“Hello darling!” Kili smiled as his best friend sailed through his bedroom doorway. 

“Hey Tori.” He said. Tauriel stopped, eyeing him as he lay sprawled on his stomach amid attempted homework. 

“What’s up, buttercup?” She asked, shoving textbooks out of the way before flopping  
down on the bed next to him, her long, red hair covering his face.  
He grimaced, spitting strands out as he rolled over. 

“Not a lot. Thinking about tonight.” He said.

“Still bummed out about him moving huh?” Tauriel rolled to her side, poking Kili in the stomach with a single finger. Kili glared at her before sighing.

“I shouldn’t be. I’ve known for over a month and he doesn’t leave for another three weeks, but I just hate it.” He stated glumly.

“Riiiiight.” Tauriel propped herself up on her arms. “Seems to me that you have two options.”

“Oh is that right?”

“Option one, you can sit here with me and we’ll binge on pizza and chocolate, drink ridiculous amounts of coffee, and watch movies featuring incredibly attractive men.” Kili grinned at her. 

“And option two?”

“You suck it up. Get yourself together and go on your date, and for fuck’s sake tell the poor bastard you’re in love with him.”

“Tauriel!”

“What?”

“I am not in love with him!” Kili exclaimed, throwing his arm over his face. 

“Look me in the eye and tell me that.” Tauriel said, poking at his side. 

“It doesn’t matter because he’s leaving.”

“It does matter, especially if he doesn’t even know how much his moving is affecting you.” Tauriel said. 

“Ugh! Fine!” Kili sat up and ran a hand over his unruly hair. Tauriel punched a hand in the air, shouting ‘Victory!’ before bouncing off the bed and digging into his closet. 

“What are you doing tonight?”

“He just said to dress warm.”

“Well that’s not helpful.”

“Don’t blame me.” Kili said, running a brush through his hair.

“Will you let me do your makeup tonight?” Tauriel asked as she held shirts up and scrutinized them.

“Why would you wanna do that?” Kili asked, rolling his eyes.

“Because it’s fun, you always look amazing, and you rarely do it anymore.” 

“I’ll think about it.” 

##

Kili should’ve known better than to give Tauriel even the slightest hope. Two hours later, he was dressed in black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, with a red plaid button up over it. She had handed him his fitted leather jacket to wear out and shoved his black combat style boots at him. But that didn’t even bother him as the forcible seating on the toilet lid as she dug through his old makeup bag, chastising him for not tossing the expired cosmetics. She applied eyeliner with a practiced hand and added some mascara. He forcibly removed himself from the bathroom when she reached for her own makeup kit, muttering about highlighter and lip gloss.

“Tori this is fine. It’s almost too much as it is.” Kili protested, shoving his feet into his boots, deftly lacing them up.

“It isn’t you look awesome. If you didn’t like dick as much as I do, I would jump you myself.” She said smugly, looking him over with a careful eye. “As it is, I doubt that he’ll be able to keep his hands to himself.” She ducked to avoid the throw pillow Kili launched at her.

“Go away!” He groaned, flopping back onto the couch.

“When is he picking you up?” 

“He’s not, we’re supposed to meet outside Dori’s place at seven thirty.” 

“Oh I see, well it’s seven now.” Tauriel noted, smiling at the look of sheer panic that crossed his face. 

“Shit, I have to go.” Kili said, getting his jacket on and ushering her out the door. 

##

Kili paced anxiously outside of Dori’s cafe. Chancing another look at his phone, he  
sighed. It was seven forty-five. 

“Hey! Kili!” Kili turned so see a figure approaching at a run. 

“Hey Fili.” He said, taking in his appearance. Fili had his golden blond hair pulled  
back, his clear blue eyes shining happily at Kili. Fili gave him a soft kiss in greeting, Kili fisting his hands into the lightweight sweatshirt Fili was wearing under his bomber jacket. Kili mustered up a soft smile to give him. Concern flickered across blue eyes and Fili asked,

“Is everything alright?” Kili’s smile became strained as he panicked internally.

“Fine. Just excited for our date. What have you planned for us?” He finally said, pulling Fili in closer, pressing another kiss to his mouth. Fili eyed him carefully before smiling.

“I thought we’d go for supper to start.” He said, taking Kili’s hand and lacing their fingers together. Kili smiled and let Fili lead the way.

##

After pizza at Kili’s favorite parlor, Fili led him through the park, destination unknown to Kili.

He looped his arm through Fili’s, leaning into the shorter blond. Fili beamed up at him, his smile radiating joy. Kili felt his eyes tearing up at the sight. His chest felt tight and he just knew. This was the person Kili was in love with, who he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. Then the realization that he couldn’t tell him hit and the feeling of devastation set in.

Fili reached up and caught him under the chin. Teary hazel eyes meeting blue, Fili asked the one question Kili had been hoping to avoid.

“What’s the matter, Kee?” Much to his mortification, Kili felt the tears begin to slide down his face. 

“I can’t tell you.” He murmured, pulling away from the blond.

“Kee...”

“No. I can’t.” Kili couldn’t breathe, he backed away.

“Kili. What’s going on?” Fili asked, reaching for the brunet. Kili took another step, then bolted. Unsure of where he was going, he simply ran.

Kili’s mind was racing. All he could think was how he could never face Fili again. He could never tell him how he felt. He couldn’t bear to watch Fili leave him. His chest tightened painfully and he slowed. It was then he heard the footsteps. 

“Kili!” Kili slowed further, turning his head in disbelief. He could feel the tear continue their steady fall as he saw Fili sprinting after him. His eyes widened as Fili neared. He made to speed up but Fili tackled him, twisting their bodies so that the blond took the brunt of the fall. Kili made to stand but Fili flipped them, sitting across the brunet’s hips and hands pinning his arms down. 

“What is going on?” He said, panting. Kili squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head from the blond.

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not? What could possibly be so bad that you actually run from me?” Fili asked, frustration lacing his voice. Kili was silent for a long moment, willing his tears away.

“Because it would break my heart to tell you.” He said, still avoiding Fili’s gaze. 

“What is going on? Did you cheat on me? Did you suddenly decide that you’re not actually into men? For fuck’s sake, just tell me please.” Fili asked exasperated. Kili heard the desperation in his voice, and looked up at the blond. He met the blue gaze unsteadily. 

“Why would you think I cheated?” He asked softly. Fili looked down at him uncertainly, releasing the brunet’s arms and sitting back. He rubbed a hand over his face.

“I don’t know what’s going on Kili. Everything’s going so well and all of a sudden, you start crying and take off like a bat out of hell. What am I supposed to think especially when you won’t tell me what is actually going on?” Kili propped himself up on his elbows, staring horrified up at his other.

“I love you...” Kili said quietly. “I could never cheat on you. That would destroy me to even consider.” 

“You love me?” Fili asked slowly, staring stunned at the brunet. Kili nodded.

“But I don’t want to love you.” He said miserably, tears beginning to fall. Fili felt like he’d been slapped.

“What do you mean?” He choked out.

“I don’t want to love you just to have you leave me. You’re going to move away and forget about me and I’ll be left here wishing I’d never fallen for you.” Kili sobbed. Fili stared down at him, silent for a long moment. Kili closed his eyes, falling back onto the ground. Fili started chuckling. Kili was horrified.

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Fili said. Kili cringed. “You really think I could forget about you?” Kili opened his eyes to see Fili leaning close.

“I love you, you moron.” He said, then kissed the stunned brunet. Fili threw himself into the kiss, pulling Kili closer as it deepened. Kili fisted his hands into Fili’s sweatshirt. 

He broke the kiss, breathing hard. 

“Do you mean it?” Fili could practically feel the uncertainty and fear Kili was exuding. 

“Yes. I love you.” Soft kiss. “I love you.” Soft kiss. “I love you.” Fili pulled away to see a small smile appearing at the corners of his other’s mouth. 

“God I love you.” Kili said, radiant grin appearing. “So fucking much.” Fili laughed, sitting back.

“I suppose this would be a good time to ask if you would be willing to spend your spring break with me?” The blond asked smiling. Kili grabbed his sweatshirt, pulling him in close before flipping them. He smiled down at the laughing blond.

“Yes, yes, yes!” He said, peppering Fili’s face with kisses. 

Laughter rang out from the couple, attracting attention and smiles from passersby.


End file.
